Nightmares and Promises
by thebazilelord
Summary: An 8x02 post-ep. Because sometimes it is the horrors of possibility that make us do what we think is right. No matter the consequences.


_Author's note: This is a post ep based on 8x02, so it is going to be angsty. It is not a fix-it fic, but please read it all the way through before making a judgement on it. I would also like to request that you keep your opinions of the show out of my reviews._

Thanks to encantadaa and prosemeds for betaing for me!

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Castle_

 _Thanks! Enjoy:)_

* * *

The moment she sees Rick tumble off the platform onto the ground, the woman jumping down after him, Kate knows that she's too late. She bolts through the maze of cargo, panic and fear flooding over her, heart thundering in her chest. He's too far away, and she'll never reach him in time.

She finally spots them down one of the rows and lifts her gun, her deadly aim landing on its target. It's already too late. The woman pulls the trigger and a single deafening shot rings out and everything suddenly seems to be in slow motion, as if moving in water. She watches helplessly as the bullet hits her husband square in the chest, the impact jerking his body backwards into the wall, lying there a heap on the floor, where he remains unmoving

"No!" she screams, feeling terror and disbelief simultaneously washing over her. But that only lasts for a moment before pure rage takes over, coloring her vision lifts her gun and fires repeatedly, round after round penetrating the woman's body well after she is already dead. The man that was with her has run off somewhere, but Kate doesn't bother to give chase. All she cares about is her husband.

She rounds the corner, tears already streaming down her face, and trips over the woman, landing at her partner's side, where he is crumpled on the only thing that seems to register in her mind is the crimson blood, spilling in a gruesome stain on his chest. Her heart shatters to dust.

"No," Kate chokes out again, her voice now barely a whisper. She reaches out and presses hard against the wound, desperately trying to stem the flow of blood. But it's futile; he's already lost so much blood, and her hands do nothing as it continues to flow out between her fingers..

His breaths come in short, shallow gasps as he blinks up at her through unfocused eyes, full of so much pain and horror. She watches as realization sparks dully in his eyes, and his face crumples before her, morphing into a whole new kind of pain- the kind born from betrayal. It's almost as if they are begging _why did you do this to me?_

"Kate?" he gasps weakly. His voice is so soft, barely a whisper, cracked. Just that one whisper of her name held so much confusion, so much pain. and it's _all her fault._ "Kate, I don't understand."

"Shh, Castle, please _."_ she chokes out desperately, as she reaches out a trembling hand to cradle his jaw. "Stay with me."

But it's too late. There's too much blood. Castle opens his mouth to speak, but no words come, and his eyes are so wide, terrified, as tears drip down the slack lines of his cheeks. They're begging desperately for her to save him, but she _can't_. The only thing she can do is hold him as the life drains out of him, stroking his hair and his face as she breathes her apologies. _I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry._ Again and again, like a mantra. It's the only comfort she can give him, the only thing she can do to ease his pain in his final moments " _I love you."_

He lets out one last shuddering breath, and then he's gone, his eyes glazed over as he stares blankly up at her with unseeing eyes. All that light that used to fill his beautiful blues is extinguished with the life that was once so vibrant, that filled her up with love..

Everything inside her comes crashing down. "No! No, Castle! Please… please..no." She collapses onto him, her head falling to rest at his neck, as she sobs into his lifeless body. The world is caving in on her, and she can't bring herself to move as the grief crashes down on her in relentless waves, choking her, suffocating as if her lungs refuse to draw in air.

She failed. She failed him. She was supposed to protect him.

Kate doesn't move from her position, even as she hears the single pair of footsteps coming up behind her. There is a soft click, and she can feel the cool hard mental of a gun being pressed against her skull.

"Ah, Mrs. _Castle_ , how tragic, this is. You tried so valiantly to save him. How does it feel to have failed? After all he went through to protect you, you couldn't do the same for him." He sneers, pressing the gun painfully against her head. She doesn't even flinch. "At least now you will be able to join him in death. Goodbye, _Captain._ "

She doesn't respond. Words that would normally fill her with rage are only a distant white noise in her ears, blocked out by the sudden numbness that has encompassed her heart. Castle is gone, and without him there is nothing for her. She has nothing left to live for. She welcomes death with open arms.

In the moment right before it all ends, she lifts her head and brings her lips to her husband's, pressing a soft, trembling kiss to the lips that are still warm beneath her skin. She is able to imagine, for just a split second, that he is still here with her as she says her last goodbye.

A final shot rings out.

* * *

Kate Beckett bolts upright, a choked scream tearing from her throat. Tears stream down her cheeks as she gasps for breath, skin drenched with sweat.

Her eyes dart around the dark, dinky unfamiliar room as she desperately tries to figure out where she is, and the panic that has gripped her heart like a fist tightens its vice. As her eyes start to adjust to the darkness, she realizes vaguely that she's in a motel.

Her hands grasp blindly at the sheets beside her. They're empty. Cold. She's alone.

Castle's gone.

No. _No._

It hits like a punch to the gut and she doubles over, her head falling into her knees as the agony rips out of her in a choking sob.

 _He's dead._

 _He can't be._

She doesn't even register that she has her phone in her hands until she hears the ringing in her ear. Before she can hang up, there's a click, and everything goes still. The only sound that breaks the deafening silence is the sound of ragged breathing coming from her and the person on the other line.

The silence seems to drag on for an eternity and she cannot get herself to speak. Afraid of what will answer from the other end of the line.

" _Kate?"_

Her name is a desperate plea. A broken rasp from a voice that seems to have no more strength.

Castle's voice.

Oh, God,

" _Castle"_ she whispers as another muffled sob breaks free.

He's alive.

And suddenly everything rushes back to her.

How she had saved his life just in time, only to run off again. How he had managed to track her down just in time to save her from her own doom. How she is now alone in a cold, rundown hotel room miles away from home. Him.

How she had come home just to turn around and leave again, leaving her husband behind, devastated in her wake. She remembers now, the look in his eyes as she walked out that door: like she had taken everything from him. .

 _Oh, Castle,_ is all that she can think. _What have I done._ But the words don't escape her lips, because she knows what she's done. Just as she knows that she had to do it.

Images of the dream, of him bleeding out in front of her, of the look of betrayal as the light leaves his eyes, all play like a film on repeat in her mind.

She won't let that happen to him. She won't lose him to her obsession, to her weakness. She won't be the reason that he leaves Alexis without a father, Martha without a son… herself without the one person who has ever brought her true happiness.

She presses the phone more tightly to her ear as the tears stream silently down her face and she listens silently to his breathing on the other end of the line, ragged and hitched. He's crying too.

" _Kate? God, Kate, is that you?"_ he pleads into the silence. _"Kate, please come home. Please. We can do this together...I need you."_

"I need you too. That's - that's why I have to do this. I can't lose you," she whispers, her voice breaking on the final words. She hopes that he believes her; that he understands that this isn't what she wants; that she has no other choice.

She wishes so badly that she wasn't this person, consumed by obsession and surrounded by loss, pain, and heartbreak. She wishes that her life could be like everyone else's- happy, free, and safe. And a small little voice in her head wishes that she had never met Castle, that she could have spared him from the pain that he doesn't deserve - that part she quickly tamps down, because no, life would never be better off without him.

" _You promised me always, Kate. Partners in life and in crime. Does that mean nothing to you anymore?"_ He sounds so defeated, so broken, and God, _it hurts._

"No! No, Castle never forget. I'm doing this so we can have our always. Please, _please_ believe me. I'm doing this to protect you."

" _But who will protect you, Kate? I can't just let you die. God, Kate, just tell me what's going on?_ _Why did you call me?"_ He sounds so confused, so lost, and everything in her heart is screaming for her to tell him, to run back home and fall into his arms and explain everything.

"I'm so sorry Rick, I love you so much. Just know that." It's all she can manage as she rips the phone away from her ear, cutting off her husband's broken pleas and the dam breaks.

Kate curls in on herself on the cold, hard mattress of her motel room, clutching a pillow that smells musty and old, so far from the comforts of home.

She's sobbing, keening, and she cannot bring herself to stop, the emotions of everything from the last few days hitting her in full, and the horrid memories of her dream are a torrent in her mind, further reminding her of why she can't go home, of why she is doing this. She has to protect him. It's all that matters.

Finally, after what feels like hours, her body is heavy with exhaustion and an emptiness in her heart do the tears finally begin to slow. She dreams of the warmth of her husband's embrace as she finally drifts to sleep.

 _A/N 2. Also, please do not judge me on how I write a certain character or event. Just because I write it does not mean I agree with it. I understand and emphasize with both parties._

 _This is simply something that popped into my head. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I have seen and dealt with enough hate and it has been dragging me down._


End file.
